Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
