Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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