He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
