problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
