I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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