There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
