and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
