The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
