Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
