Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
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