have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
