I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
