why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
