He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
