why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I will pee on everything he values.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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