When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
