i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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