At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
