take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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