i was born a porn star she said
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
