I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You did what with his pubic hair?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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