singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I stole a fireplace last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
