How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
