One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
