Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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