There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
