I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
