Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
