he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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