yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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