Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
