I heard we made out
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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