So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
