I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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