"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
