Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
