i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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