Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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