I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
