i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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