this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
