I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
