You can't motorboat a personality
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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