found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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