I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
