First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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