Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
