I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
