5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
