please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
