worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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