My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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