He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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